Dating and Relationship Tips for Older Adults

Being single can be a reality during any season of life. Older adults may find themselves without a romantic partner due to divorce or separation, or sometimes due to the death of a spouse or partner. According to the Pew Research Center, out of adults aged 65 and older, 21% of men and 49% of women are single.1

If you are in this position, you may have considered dating again. How do you know if you are ready, and are there any special considerations for dating and relationships as an older adult?

The first step: what to do before dating and relationships

No matter what circumstances led to becoming a single older adult, the timeline for when a person is ready to date again is different for each person. The most important thing to do before getting involved in dating and relationships again is to make sure you are emotionally healthy and ready. Think about these important factors:

Have you fully grieved your last relationship?

Whether your relationship ended due to divorce or death, it takes time to grieve and be in a healthy space for a new and different relationship. Exactly how much time will vary from person to person- there’s no magic number. But some common stages can help you think about whether you’ve processed your grief fully: 2

Denial- when a relationship first ends, it can be hard to believe it has actually happened. It’s common and normal to fantasize about other outcomes or even act or think like it hasn’t ended.

Anger- this can be expressed in different ways. You may be angry at the other person or angry at people who you feel supported their behaviors that contributed to the end of the relationship. If your spouse passed away, you may feel angry at the universe, God, or even the medical providers that couldn’t save them.

Bargaining- similar to wishful thinking, bargaining sometimes goes along with denial, as you try to persuade your ex or the universe of ways it could all work out despite the realities of the situation.

Depression– this involves profound sadness related to the realization that this loss is permanent, and includes all the little things accompanying the relationship, like daily habits you shared with the person. Sometimes it is so overwhelming it affects your ability to eat, sleep, or enjoy day-to-day life.

Acceptance- when you reach this phase of grief, you may still sometimes feel passing feelings of anger or sadness, but they do not disrupt your daily life and pass quickly. Reaching this phase is different for each person, and usually takes time.

Often, people will go back and forth between these stages for a long time before reaching acceptance. Entering a new relationship when you have not fully grieved the last one may feel like a welcome distraction, but it also means you may bring a lot of upsetting emotions to your new relationship as well, which is never a recipe for harmony and success.

What are your relationship goals?

As an older adult, your priorities and goals in life and relationships may look very different than they did in your younger years. Deciding whether you are interested in a more casual, fun relationship or a serious, long-term relationship can help you find the right match in a partner who feels the same way.

Some things that may have changed for you since you were last dating:

Children- no longer raising children, you may have different support needs and priorities in life. You may now be spending a lot of time with grandchildren. Is it important to you that your new partner prioritizes this as well?

Lifestyle- over time, you may have developed strong preferences for living a certain way, following specific habits, and more. Do you want to live with someone else at this phase in life, or do you prefer your own space?

Finances- your need for financial support may have also changed. If you’re comfortably retired, remarrying can affect benefits or impact inheritances that you plan to leave for your children. Before entering a serious relationship and combining finances, this is something to consider and even talk to a financial advisor about.

You’re ready for dating and relationships: now what?

If you are confident that you are ready to start dating as an older adult and are clear with your relationship expectations, you may have questions about what has changed since you were last on the dating scene. Are there any common rules for dating as an older adult?

Disclosing personal details

Early in the dating process, sharing personal details may be too much information too soon. But if a relationship is becoming serious, you’ll need to be upfront about any age-related health concerns. This includes any challenges with sexual function if sexual intimacy is a priority for you.

You should also consider any long-term care goals that are important to you; if you prefer to stay in your home as you age, does your potential partner agree, or do they already have other plans, like an assisted living facility?

Safety tips

Being mindful of safety precautions when dating is no different than it was in your younger years. Always meet for a first date in a public place, and don’t disclose personal details like your address right away. Tell friends or family when and where you are going on a date. If you drive, plan to drive separately. If you don’t, you can arrange a ride through a service like Uber or Lyft.

Also, remember to never send anyone money. The National Elder Fraud Hotline notes that romance scams are common and often involve meeting someone online who says they are falling in love with you, but then uses this to ask for gifts or money without following through on meeting. 3

Sex and older adults

Not all older adults continue to prioritize an active sex life, but if this is important to you, you may find that some changes related to aging are impacting sexual intimacy.

Common concerns include: 4

For women, vaginal dryness
For men, erectile dysfunction
For women, changes during menopause
Arthritis pain interfering with mobility
Other chronic pain
Heart disease
Incontinence, which is more common in older adults
Sexual side effects of medications
The effects of a stroke
Alcohol use and its impact on sexual function

Older adults also need to consider safe sex and their risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This doesn’t change just because you’re aging– you are still at risk of common STDs. It’s important to use protection during sexual intercourse.

If you have concerns about chronic health problems, sexual function, or STDs, you should discuss these with your doctor. They can make recommendations to help improve your sexual experience and safety.

Dealing with family opinions

One surprise you may be faced with when you start dating as an older adult is how your family feels about the news. It’s not unusual for adult children in particular to have strong feelings about an older parent dating, especially if their other parent passed away.

They may worry that you are going to be emotionally hurt, or worry for your physical safety. Feelings of jealousy or anger about “replacing” their other parent may surface. And valid concerns about financial repercussions may come up, too.

The best approach for these concerns is to have an open discussion. You can let your family know you understand they have strong feelings, and answer any questions as honestly as possible. For example, you can reassure them that you are taking precautions, and discuss any financial questions they may have.

Ultimately, with time as they see you are enjoying yourself dating, and maybe even meet the person you’re starting a relationship with, they can adjust to the new concept of their parent dating.

Resources for dating as an older adult

How do older adults make connections and explore dating and relationships? You have a few options to choose from. Some recommendations for meeting someone special include:

Dating services- look for a service that is specifically geared toward older adults. They’ll help match you to prospective partners and sometimes set up social events for meeting other interested adults as well.

Social events- taking classes in something that interests you can help you meet people with things in common; senior citizen centers often host fun activities that bring people together.

Online dating- this is a common way to meet other adults, and it’s no exception for older adults. There are even sites geared just toward older adults, like Our Time and Silver Singles.

Remember to have fun, no matter the outcome

Being an older adult doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the excitement and companionship involved in dating. By following the tips identified above, you can have a safe and fun experience dating. Even if you don’t meet your perfect match right away, exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship in your older years can be rewarding and worth the time spent.

If you’re an older adult who would like to remain in their own home for as long as possible but need some extra assistance with activities of daily living so that you can enjoy life to its fullest, Caresify can help you plan personalized in-home care. You can read more here, or call 888-799-5007.

Providing personalized in-home care to seniors